Moving to New York, you come with this desire to make it. The friends you make, the job(s) you get, there’s a destiny to it all. We’re all in this together (cue High School Musical). But the thing they don’t really tell you is, well, you’re going to be broke 92.1% of the time.

I am officially B.R.O.K.E. I’ve just about sold everything in my closet that’s sellable, I’ve hunted for every kind of odd job there is and produced for every freelance position in NYC. And even with an amazing new job, I’m still… broke. The crazy thing about it all- I’m not alone. My two roommates are poorer than poor too. We are literally three girls in this crazy, go-hard city, broker than shit. The other night my roommates and I sat down to discuss our party costs to disperse and pay back from the weekend.  We soon came to find that we’re so broke that not only could we not pay each other back right away, but we wouldn’t be able to pay each other back for a long time. So we laid out our finances- open and honest, telling each other what we had, what we didn’t and what we could pay back. Before we knew it, instead of being tense and upset, we were laughing hysterically out of the joke of our financial holes were.

I remembered a great article in the NY Times about how to make money online. Let’s just say the googling got very weird. Things like virtual financial dominatrix, pole dancer, after-school tutor, call girl and go-go dancer all made the extensive list to make quick cash. After realizing there was no way we could do these jobs, although a twerk dance tutorial did happen, we moved on to inspiration. I wrote a quick message on our freshly-minted chalkboard wall which says, “GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUND$”. Ain’t it the truth?

So then, we got real.  We realized the way we were living wasn’t going to cut it anymore. Before this “discovery” of being financially decapitated, we went on a spending spree to redecorate our apartment- paint, home decor, liquor and the like. We’ve been going out drinking, going out to eat (or in my case, spending too much money on good cheese and lamb at the grocery to cook) and just being typical frivolous 20Somethings. We knew it had to stop.

So, here’s our plan:

-We’re holding each other accountable. Luckily, I live with some amazing roommates. Some of the most reasonable, amazingly nice and understanding females which helps in making each other accountable. We all know each other’s situations so #heygirlhey we’re gonna get out this hole, ya heard?
-Since I’m more of the chef in the house, I’m responsible for cooking for the girls so they don’t starve, oh and get some nutrients instead of crackers and marshmallows. Yeah.
-Going out isn’t really an option so unless it’s Club Brunch, going out with a promoter or an OkCupid! date, homegirls aren’t leaving this apartment.
-We are really lucky in that we actually like each other so a bottle of two buck chuck and us crowding around someone’s laptop to watch Law & Order: SVU or Revenge is a perfect night. So, I mean, that costs $2.99.

We’re in our 20′s, we aren’t experts at making it in this city but what I figure is, outside of my roommates, we (including YOU!) really are all in this together. No matter if you live in Chicago, New York City or Kansas City, we all hit financial hurdles because we love to shop, we love to eat, we love to drink. Well shit, we just love to spend. So, if nothing else, I hope from this you take away that shit does get rough but you definitely aren’t alone. There are so many resources including surrounding yourself with some bad ass friends to support.

I feel like it’s all a part of being in this age. I just hope I get my shit together by the time I’m 30. Fingers crossed.

I’m still on a whirlwind high coming back from Indonesia. Sometimes when I get home from work, I lay in bed and scan through the photos from the trip with a ridiculous smile on my face. I miss everything about the trip- the people I went with, the moments spent wandering the cities and the times alone to be in my thoughts. There was a moment at the Borobudur temple where I got to wander off for a bit and to stand there with no intentions to Instagram, tweet or Facebook a photo- just taking in this breathtaking place was my favorite moment of all. It’s so different being on the other side of the world and suddenly you can hear your own thoughts again. I want to make it a point to travel more often because there’s so much clarity to have happen.

I’ve been trying to decide how to break down this trip for you all so that you don’t miss the places I went but I’m telling you now, GO. Nothing should hold you back- from visiting Indonesia and onward. It changes a person, cleanses a person and helps you identify with who you’re supposed to be. I’m so thankful for the wonderful people who sent us.

Here are a few of my favorite spots:

-Grand Ashton in Yogyakarta. Probably one of the nicest, most modern hotels I’ve stayed in. Strictly go for the amazing breakfast, the outdoor lounge, the pool, the bed. Basically, everything
-Gran Mahakam Hotel. Literally, my favorite hotel in Indonesia- it was absolutely stunning and beautifully decorated
-Skye in Central Jakarta. It’s got a panorama view of all Jakarta. Picture-perfect.
-Taman Sari Royal Heritage Spa. So appreciative to the staff at the Taman Sari. My massage and exfoliation was the best I’ve ever had plus the ginger tea helped my upset stomach. Thank you Shinta!
-Prambanan Temple & Borobudur Temple. Both of these temples were pure wonders. There really isn’t anything to explain, just go.
-The Sultan Water Palace. Photo-worthy.

Soon, there will be a video recap (cuz you all know I love me some video) so please stayed tuned for that. Oh, and there may be a post from Bali, which is possibly the best place to meet the sauciest Aussies. I mean, caliente boys.

On another note, it’s literally taken me days to upload the rest of the photos from Indonesia. It’s been fail after fail so all the amazing photos from Indonesia are now on my Facebook page, so go now!

As I’m sure you noticed, I’m back from my hiatus with some new changes! Nothing major, just giving you more and more like a suga daddy. Oh yea boy. I put into this system (think tag cloud) to find out the most popular words you guys used when you comment, etc. and the most used word was REAL. This made me ridiculously happy since that’s all I ever hoped for when I started this blog was to come across as my true me, my honest self. So, I bring you: REAL LIFE, ALL THE TIME.

I love charts so I made a pretty one for you, to understand what’s here and what’s to come.

Dressing: My typical Mood posts will still be here but I’m now incorporating two new categories: Undress Me & Through Film. Undress Me is going to be a fun, new thing where we’ll dissect what I wear. A lot of you like and compliment my layering which I think is pretty rad so why not dissect what I’m actually wearing? (Let me tell you, it takes forever to undress.) Through Film will be something similar to this so that should be fun right?

Living: I pretty much am an open book. The one thing I learned from my blog is I am able to use it to help at least one person. All my Personal Posts will stay here but incorporating more photos of friends, family, moments happening, Moments Captured. I also want to add more of where I live, what my home looks like, etc. In fact, I just painted my entire apartment this weekend so My Apartment will live here.

Dating: Oh, this is a fun one. Dating in NYC is definitely the hardest. People here are ridiculously crazy so… it’s hard to stand out in the crowd. But what better way to go through it than share that with you? That will be under Love & Other Disasters. (P.S. Have you seen that movie? A favorite Brittany Murphy movie) Love Lust Life will be living here as well but something else that’s new will be born. 20Somethings is about all the moments out with my girls. Another hard thing I found was finding a great group of friends but I’m closer to having that. Sometimes, great photos and stories and moments are born and I think that’s all a part of being a 20Something.

I hope you guys like it and are happy with these cool changes. I’m so stoked to start on this new journey with Profresh Style. It’s been fun to watch it unfold and turn into all this. That’s why YOUR LIFE is so important and why it all comes down to you. A bit ago, I wanted to do a Reader Appreciation Month. That, of course, is still going to happen but more than a month. I want YOU on the blog. Your stories, your comments, your life. Every month, I want a reader’s story here. I want your thoughts, your words, your beautiful face on Profresh Style. You’re the whole reason I’ve got this really rad blog that comes with super amazing experiences. And I would love to have you here on the blog. In the beginning of each month, I’ll ask you all for your stories, your thoughts, anything you want to talk about on the blog – whether it’s a break-up you experienced and had something unique you coped with or maybe you found a super rad thrift store and you have a story to share about, I want you to put it all here. I want you here, your blog here, your message here. HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR? :) If you want, you can start emailing me now christina@profreshstyle.com but this won’t be on the blog until January 2013. But why not get ahead?

Well all, thank you. Thanks for being THE SHIT.

The other day I was talking to a close guy friend of mine about our clocks – both women and men. We all feel there’s some sort of deadline we should be on, if settling is something we really want. Him and I both are after lucrative careers, both having no time for a significant other. Yet, we both agree we need one, want one, desire to have that ONE person to call at the end of a tough day, hug after a promotion and kiss in the night. Where does the sacrifice become worth it?

Moving to New York, I had strict intentions to not date seriously. I figured I wouldn’t be here for too long, only being here as long as it takes to “make it” and after, come home to California. I’m going on my second year and I’m no where near where I’d like to be. And now that I’ve settled into my amazing apartment, I’ve got a puppy to love and care for and slowly building a base of friends, it feels like it’s all coming together but missing a primatial piece. But that’s not to say I haven’t gone out, met cool guys and dated. And here’s where my conversation with my guy friend got interesting.

After a few minutes into our conversation, I said something that shocked me a bit too. “I don’t think I’m the type of person to be loved… and my love is way to vulnerable. I’m much better at having a hard exterior… suppressing emotional angst. I rather not love than be accused of vulnerability.. Sometimes love can be thrown in someone’s face.” It was then I realized I’m the reason I’m still in this position. I purposely avoid falling for someone, purposely avoid getting close and the moment I feel it coming, I push that person away because the last thing I want to do is fall.

Sure, I can easily blame my past as any of us can for the way we are today. But I can’t let things that happened before portray my future. I figured since I pretty much tell you all everything, I thought what better way to dump the past, then do it on here. So, here’s my thank-you’s to the past and a welcome to the future.

To the one I was supposed to share my life with: You and I grew up together, became adults and learned we weren’t right for each other. I don’t blame you for what you’ve done and I know you don’t blame me either. It’s been years trying to let go of something that will never be the same again. Friends? I doubt it but you were the first love of my life. That can’t ever be altered. So thank you for being that person and for growing up – for your future.

To the one that loved me more than I could ever love him: You know you were too good for me. And I’m sorry I couldn’t be that woman because I know the love you had to give was more than I could ask for. But I also know you’ll meet someone that can give you all that love back and be the woman that’s perfectly made for you. Thank you for teaching me compassion and trust because things would be so different today. You helped pick up the pieces of the prior and not many men could do what you did. Thank you J.

To the one that I won’t ever get to have: You taught me the most. You helped me see the clearer me and helped me to discover something far beyond what I knew I had, whether you realized it or not. I’ve never been more honest than with you and so thankful for your friendship. I hope that the person I end up being with, has attributes of you because there are just some things you can’t live life without.

To the one in a country far away: They say you should always have an international love affair. I’m so thankful you were mine. I don’t know whether I’m sad or happy it never worked out. But you were amazing – emotionally and physically. I truly won’t ever forget those moments.

To the future one(s): You’ve got a hefty load in front of you because I’m more complex than you might want to take on. But I think that’s okay because I rather have layers than be a one-sheeter. I’m already thankful because you’ll have entered my life and new people are new discoveries. I hope you take care of me the way these men above have shown I require. I hope I give you the love you deserve and cherish the time we’ll have together, whether short or long or forever. To the man who captures my heart forever, god, I’m lucky. Because that means you really had the ability to break down the walls behind the walls, behind those walls. And that sir, is the toughest task you’ll ever have.

So, as per usual in these Love Lust Life‘s, share your story. Do you blame your past as I used to do? Sometimes, we women can’t tell our girlfriends what we feel because of judgement of past mistakes so think of this (me) as your unjudging best friend. I promise you, nothing can be judged here.

Photo by my dear friend, Sabrina Noel Hill

I’ve never learned a skill so tedious before – the creation of Batik. If you haven’t heard of it before, clearly you are… just like me. I had no clue what Batik was until coming to Indonesia and discovering this beautiful process. Let me tell you now, learning Batik was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to learn and I wasn’t very good at it. Christina and I spoke about how we are such “rushers”, just wanting to get it over with so we can see the finished product. It goes to say that’s how I am with everything. I want to rush just to get the job done. But this taught me patience and an appreciation for the investment.

Batik is a tradition passed down from generation to generation within Indonesian culture as a practice of fabrication. The method is taking wax to create your pattern and dying the fabric in your choice of color. The process seems simple but it’s no where near simple. It takes months to years to create one piece.

There were moments where I got frustrated that I couldn’t trace a simple pattern and was quick to blame the tool I was using. Truly it was because I was rushing the process. Throughout our trip in Indonesia, we had more opportunities to create our own Batik and I eased into it better and learned patience. I also learned the importance of being present. I don’t know about you but a lot of times, I drift off into another world when I’m doing something, like right now, I’m thinking about paint swatches at Home Depot. When you’re doing something as time consuming and tedious as Batik, it’s so important to be present in what you’re doing. Otherwise, you’ll easily go off track and completely ruin your pattern.

Coming home, with the rush of New York, there’s this immediate feeling of vacancy. We’re all moving and drifting, from one project to another, one person to another, without taking the time to invest in that moment. When I came home, I made more of an effort to be present in conversations with friends, stop what I was doing to actually have a skype call, stop a conversation to enjoy what I was cooking and I’m walking a lot slower (which is actually really nice).

Indonesia taught me so much but this clarity of how I was living life has opened my eyes to moments taken for granted. Let’s just say, those moments aren’t passing me by anymore.

Oh and to cap off our “tough” lesson that day, we went for drinks at the beautiful Skye lounge and ate at a ridiculously delicious restaurant with more dishes than I’ve ever dined with, in the hugest mall I’ve ever seen. Indonesia is pretty epic.