As I’m sure you noticed, I’m back from my hiatus with some new changes! Nothing major, just giving you more and more like a suga daddy. Oh yea boy. I put into this system (think tag cloud) to find out the most popular words you guys used when you comment, etc. and the most used word was REAL. This made me ridiculously happy since that’s all I ever hoped for when I started this blog was to come across as my true me, my honest self. So, I bring you: REAL LIFE, ALL THE TIME.

I love charts so I made a pretty one for you, to understand what’s here and what’s to come.

Dressing: My typical Mood posts will still be here but I’m now incorporating two new categories: Undress Me & Through Film. Undress Me is going to be a fun, new thing where we’ll dissect what I wear. A lot of you like and compliment my layering which I think is pretty rad so why not dissect what I’m actually wearing? (Let me tell you, it takes forever to undress.) Through Film will be something similar to this so that should be fun right?

Living: I pretty much am an open book. The one thing I learned from my blog is I am able to use it to help at least one person. All my Personal Posts will stay here but incorporating more photos of friends, family, moments happening, Moments Captured. I also want to add more of where I live, what my home looks like, etc. In fact, I just painted my entire apartment this weekend so My Apartment will live here.

Dating: Oh, this is a fun one. Dating in NYC is definitely the hardest. People here are ridiculously crazy so… it’s hard to stand out in the crowd. But what better way to go through it than share that with you? That will be under Love & Other Disasters. (P.S. Have you seen that movie? A favorite Brittany Murphy movie) Love Lust Life will be living here as well but something else that’s new will be born. 20Somethings is about all the moments out with my girls. Another hard thing I found was finding a great group of friends but I’m closer to having that. Sometimes, great photos and stories and moments are born and I think that’s all a part of being a 20Something.

I hope you guys like it and are happy with these cool changes. I’m so stoked to start on this new journey with Profresh Style. It’s been fun to watch it unfold and turn into all this. That’s why YOUR LIFE is so important and why it all comes down to you. A bit ago, I wanted to do a Reader Appreciation Month. That, of course, is still going to happen but more than a month. I want YOU on the blog. Your stories, your comments, your life. Every month, I want a reader’s story here. I want your thoughts, your words, your beautiful face on Profresh Style. You’re the whole reason I’ve got this really rad blog that comes with super amazing experiences. And I would love to have you here on the blog. In the beginning of each month, I’ll ask you all for your stories, your thoughts, anything you want to talk about on the blog – whether it’s a break-up you experienced and had something unique you coped with or maybe you found a super rad thrift store and you have a story to share about, I want you to put it all here. I want you here, your blog here, your message here. HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR? :) If you want, you can start emailing me now christina@profreshstyle.com but this won’t be on the blog until January 2013. But why not get ahead?

Well all, thank you. Thanks for being THE SHIT.

The other day I was talking to a close guy friend of mine about our clocks – both women and men. We all feel there’s some sort of deadline we should be on, if settling is something we really want. Him and I both are after lucrative careers, both having no time for a significant other. Yet, we both agree we need one, want one, desire to have that ONE person to call at the end of a tough day, hug after a promotion and kiss in the night. Where does the sacrifice become worth it?

Moving to New York, I had strict intentions to not date seriously. I figured I wouldn’t be here for too long, only being here as long as it takes to “make it” and after, come home to California. I’m going on my second year and I’m no where near where I’d like to be. And now that I’ve settled into my amazing apartment, I’ve got a puppy to love and care for and slowly building a base of friends, it feels like it’s all coming together but missing a primatial piece. But that’s not to say I haven’t gone out, met cool guys and dated. And here’s where my conversation with my guy friend got interesting.

After a few minutes into our conversation, I said something that shocked me a bit too. “I don’t think I’m the type of person to be loved… and my love is way to vulnerable. I’m much better at having a hard exterior… suppressing emotional angst. I rather not love than be accused of vulnerability.. Sometimes love can be thrown in someone’s face.” It was then I realized I’m the reason I’m still in this position. I purposely avoid falling for someone, purposely avoid getting close and the moment I feel it coming, I push that person away because the last thing I want to do is fall.

Sure, I can easily blame my past as any of us can for the way we are today. But I can’t let things that happened before portray my future. I figured since I pretty much tell you all everything, I thought what better way to dump the past, then do it on here. So, here’s my thank-you’s to the past and a welcome to the future.

To the one I was supposed to share my life with: You and I grew up together, became adults and learned we weren’t right for each other. I don’t blame you for what you’ve done and I know you don’t blame me either. It’s been years trying to let go of something that will never be the same again. Friends? I doubt it but you were the first love of my life. That can’t ever be altered. So thank you for being that person and for growing up – for your future.

To the one that loved me more than I could ever love him: You know you were too good for me. And I’m sorry I couldn’t be that woman because I know the love you had to give was more than I could ask for. But I also know you’ll meet someone that can give you all that love back and be the woman that’s perfectly made for you. Thank you for teaching me compassion and trust because things would be so different today. You helped pick up the pieces of the prior and not many men could do what you did. Thank you J.

To the one that I won’t ever get to have: You taught me the most. You helped me see the clearer me and helped me to discover something far beyond what I knew I had, whether you realized it or not. I’ve never been more honest than with you and so thankful for your friendship. I hope that the person I end up being with, has attributes of you because there are just some things you can’t live life without.

To the one in a country far away: They say you should always have an international love affair. I’m so thankful you were mine. I don’t know whether I’m sad or happy it never worked out. But you were amazing – emotionally and physically. I truly won’t ever forget those moments.

To the future one(s): You’ve got a hefty load in front of you because I’m more complex than you might want to take on. But I think that’s okay because I rather have layers than be a one-sheeter. I’m already thankful because you’ll have entered my life and new people are new discoveries. I hope you take care of me the way these men above have shown I require. I hope I give you the love you deserve and cherish the time we’ll have together, whether short or long or forever. To the man who captures my heart forever, god, I’m lucky. Because that means you really had the ability to break down the walls behind the walls, behind those walls. And that sir, is the toughest task you’ll ever have.

So, as per usual in these Love Lust Life‘s, share your story. Do you blame your past as I used to do? Sometimes, we women can’t tell our girlfriends what we feel because of judgement of past mistakes so think of this (me) as your unjudging best friend. I promise you, nothing can be judged here.

Photo by my dear friend, Sabrina Noel Hill

I’ve never learned a skill so tedious before – the creation of Batik. If you haven’t heard of it before, clearly you are… just like me. I had no clue what Batik was until coming to Indonesia and discovering this beautiful process. Let me tell you now, learning Batik was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to learn and I wasn’t very good at it. Christina and I spoke about how we are such “rushers”, just wanting to get it over with so we can see the finished product. It goes to say that’s how I am with everything. I want to rush just to get the job done. But this taught me patience and an appreciation for the investment.

Batik is a tradition passed down from generation to generation within Indonesian culture as a practice of fabrication. The method is taking wax to create your pattern and dying the fabric in your choice of color. The process seems simple but it’s no where near simple. It takes months to years to create one piece.

There were moments where I got frustrated that I couldn’t trace a simple pattern and was quick to blame the tool I was using. Truly it was because I was rushing the process. Throughout our trip in Indonesia, we had more opportunities to create our own Batik and I eased into it better and learned patience. I also learned the importance of being present. I don’t know about you but a lot of times, I drift off into another world when I’m doing something, like right now, I’m thinking about paint swatches at Home Depot. When you’re doing something as time consuming and tedious as Batik, it’s so important to be present in what you’re doing. Otherwise, you’ll easily go off track and completely ruin your pattern.

Coming home, with the rush of New York, there’s this immediate feeling of vacancy. We’re all moving and drifting, from one project to another, one person to another, without taking the time to invest in that moment. When I came home, I made more of an effort to be present in conversations with friends, stop what I was doing to actually have a skype call, stop a conversation to enjoy what I was cooking and I’m walking a lot slower (which is actually really nice).

Indonesia taught me so much but this clarity of how I was living life has opened my eyes to moments taken for granted. Let’s just say, those moments aren’t passing me by anymore.

Oh and to cap off our “tough” lesson that day, we went for drinks at the beautiful Skye lounge and ate at a ridiculously delicious restaurant with more dishes than I’ve ever dined with, in the hugest mall I’ve ever seen. Indonesia is pretty epic.

I’ve taken so many photos in Indonesia, it’s been so hard tackling them down to how I want to post them. I have a few favorites and a ton I want to share. This last photo is one of them. This old man was so cool- his friend was selling these little cakes on the street called Putong (rice sponge cakes) and their interaction was so rad. They both had this undeniable swagger about them. I didn’t get to capture either of their smiles or this man’s walk but believe me when I say, it really doesn’t matter what you have at the moment. It’s more about what you came into the world with- your character, your personality that makes you a happy, carefree person.

This trip was a learning experience indeed. Of course, the culture was a great experience to breath in but more than anything, I learned about myself- the things I liked and didn’t like, the attributes I wanted to work on and the person I believed myself to be. I learned that I need to expand my patience level and that the world is much bigger than what I have here in NYC.

There’s something so mysterious about this place too- wandering around, with a lull undisturbed by their surroundings. The history is deep here, richer than most communities I’ve been surrounded with. They know and care about who they are, they enrich others with their wisdom. That’s something that’s been missing in my own upbringing, in my own generation.

I also got to experience Jakarta Fashion Week for the first time. It was so different compared to NYFW- the people and the crowd seemed much more involved and engaged with the culture of their style. Although, street style was a bit different. They didn’t really like their picture taken as I soon found out. I got immediately rejected by one of the most stylish guys I’ve seen but that’s fine. Indulging on everyone else became much more exciting. There were definite similarities- you saw the blogger group, the EDITOR group, the stylish cling-ons and the fashion wannabes. But what was more interesting was the models and designers mingled with the crowd outside the show. I thought that was rather interesting as that would NEVER happen out in front of Lincoln Center. I’d definitely want to attend JFW again, just to witness an entire week of shows, viewing their culture instead of just one show like I did at the amazing show by Bin House. If you get a chance to go, do it. It’s a really cool experience, nothing like NYFW.

The bloggers I’ve met, Tara, Carol, Tricia & Sonia are some of the coolest girls. Each are so different and added a great vibe into the group on our trip. Christina and I obviously were a joker duo and it was fun to entertain them. There’s more to come on these rad little faces.

Can’t wait to show you more- there’s no way you can tire of these. At least, I hope.

I feel like there’s always that one person in everyone’s family who IS the heart and soul, the beat of the unit. Someone to rely on for laughs and bonding- help you get through the best and the worst. My grandma (Lola) was definitely that person. We got together on holidays because of her, celebrated birthdays because of her and became a closer family because of her.

Today she would of been 88 years old. She passed away 8 days before her birthday. Last year, as a family, we all went up and celebrated- cupcakes, candles and all. My grandmother was a powerful woman, a loved woman. My grandpa was so in love with her and took care of her the way I’d want my husband to take care of me.

There are moments I look back in regret- possibly not spending enough time or learning more about her and our family. But I know she’d never want me to feel that way. We shared many a bedtime story as she aged, telling me funny stories about my grandpa and my dad. I learned LOVE from her. No one else could teach me what she did and I’m forever grateful.

Love you so much Lola, happy birthday♥