Lately, I’ve been dealing with the overwhelming solicitous task of compromising. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind compromising but it’s been a tough battle, especially when it comes to sacrificing beliefs I’ve had all my life. But how do we know how much we compromise and for who?

This new fellow is someone whom I connected with instantly in the strangest of circumstances. He is creative, well-versed, a true artist. I’m drawn to his openness, his willingness to speak creatively and his informality. His lifestyle is something I’ve never had to deal with before and have no idea how to handle. Not only that, but our connection happened unexpectedly. I’m not necessarily fresh out of my previous relationship, but I am still healing. I may be over my ex, but I’m still healing myself internally. This new fellow and I both didn’t realize the chemistry we would feel instantly. Because of my past and his future, we both have things to compromise on. I never thought I would be making deals with half of the things he’s said. I never thought I’d be ready to give my heart again. But you just can’t plan for these things and you just have to let it happen.

What I’m trying to tell all my heartbroken, down and out, frustrated, hopeless, dying to love readers is that it gets better. One of my readers sent me the most heart crushing email about a guy she was with who left her suddenly because he wasn’t “into her anymore”. Later, the poor gal found that he couldn’t compromise with her requests to be introduced to his friends and family. They were together three years and never met them. So, now she’s left heartbroken and alone. I couldn’t help but feel for her. Although my situation wasn’t the same, I know what’s like to feel like you aren’t a priority and you have to compromise your entire self-worth to be with someone you loved. But I promise you, I really can promise you, there is an end to the darkness. We women, we are so vulnerable and want so badly for someone to see our worth. What truly needs to happen, is to find your worth first and the person who comes along and sees what you see and doesn’t want to change it, is the person who will hold your heart with the utmost love.

I’m not saying I’ll love this man, I’m not saying I’ll be with him for a lifetime, for a year, for a month, for a week. What I am saying is that I’ve finally realized that I get to move on. I don’t have to be stuck and I don’t have to settle. There is someone out there who knows my worth and wants to let me know, every day. What his and I’s future holds is irrelevant. We could stop talking tomorrow and I would still be happy. Why? Because I have reassurance in myself and that love is out there. I just, we just, have to let it happen. Don’t compromise your heart, compromise with the person who holds it.

Read more from the LOVE LUST LIFE SERIES!

Image via Le Love

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  • http://www.soooali.com Soooali

    Christina, I bloody love you! This is so true and while I’m yet to find out this myself (remember the email I set to you at the beginning of this year?) I know that what you say is true. I take comfort on the knowledge that you know what you’re talking about. It’s such a blessing to be able to share your thoughts so openly with everyone. Thank you.

    • http://www.profreshstyle.com Profresh Style

      Yes, I do remember that email. You know, it takes time and assurance in yourself to move on. I’m so glad you’ve related to this post. It makes opening up to people easier and easier!

      Thank you love!

  • http://beautifully-invisible.blogspot.com/ Beautifully Invisible

    Wow, this is such a powerful post. Everything you say is right so, so true.

    The timing is also right on the money (for me). Not to go into details, but I am living the aftermath of a devastating break-up right now. It has crushed me – absolutely crushed me.

    I am happy with my life (outside of my failed relationship). I have family and friends I love and adore, a job I am happy in, a new hobby (blogging) that has been my saving grace, and I DO know my worth. I am a wonderful, kind, generous, intelligent, beautiful and loving person. I know that. But sometimes that isn’t enough.

    This is the line in your post that really resonated with me: “Don’t compromise your heart, compromise with the person who holds it.” What happens when the person who holds your heart doesn’t know how to compromise? What happens when he decides he doesn’t love himself, so he can’t love you? What happens when you have no choice but to let go and your heart is shattered into a million pieces, because you lose your lover and best friend all at the same time?

    All you can do is take the time you need to heal, try to move on, and feel confident that love is out there. Somewhere.

    But what do you do when every.single.time. you feel like you are moving on, something happens that causes the emotions to come flooding back? What do you do when you realize a part of you just feels numb and empty inside without him, like a shell of your former self?

    My birthday is tomorrow and all I want is him… but all I have is my own emptiness.

    *sorry for the hijack… this was just too much for me!*

    • http://www.profreshstyle.com Profresh Style

      Aww mama. Thank you for opening up to me. Love is such a complicated melody. It’s one of the strongest feelings to resonate in someone. I know that it’s hard to leave your feelings be as it takes time to move forward. However, I agree with him when he says he needs to love himself before he can truly love you. It’s not possible to love someone else if you can’t love who you are. And also, if that person doesn’t know how to compromise, you won’t be happy because you shouldn’t settle. As far as moving on, I believe it’s necessary to learn and progress.

      Happy birthday love and want for yourself happiness for who you are. Want yourself back<3.

  • http://dearwinnie.com Chelsea Rae

    Oh, girl, boy talk is my favorite (seriously, I spend at least a half an hour each day chatting about boys with my friends). I know how you feel though. I’m sort of at the same point of getting over a relationship which ended a while ago for reasons I still can’t figure out— why do relationships that are broken break, I couldn’t tell you. That’s beside the point. Now, like I said, I’m dating and it’s all so blah because I’m trying to get back to the point where I’m so in love with myself that I can be in a relationship with someone else without being completely dependent on him for boosts in self-esteem. I’m working towards being ok if I actually end up in another relationship, but I’m definitely not there yet. So, I say day-by-day, my dear!

    Also, since we;re on the boy topic, I wish there was a way to tell them to stop pulling the “we’re simple creatures” card. Let’s face it, If they were “simple” and really only needed “food, sex, and sleep” in that order, my job as a female would be so much easier, but considering I have to have pep talks everyday about guys, I think their simplicity is a total facade. LAME!

  • Lily

    Such a beautiful post. Thank you for this, Christina. I feel like I’ll never find love, but after reading this, there may be light at the end of this dark tunnel yet…

    All the best to you and “this new fellow”.

    XO

    • http://www.profreshstyle.com Profresh Style

      Girl, I felt that and I’m still very unsure on whether or not I’ll find love in this new fellow. But the light is strong enough to pull me…and the light will pull you to. Don’t fight it, trust in it. xx

  • http://enchantedvintageclothing.com Jezebel538

    So true that sometimes you find yourself completely unprepared to start another realationship and BAM it hits you just like that. I was less than a year split from my boyfriend of 5 years when I met a friend of my sisters. I was surprised at the instant attraction/emotion I felt for him. Although it was very soon after my last boyfriend, 3 years later we are still together and Ive never been happier! There is love out there for everyone X

    • http://www.profreshstyle.com Profresh Style

      Isn’t it crazy when something happens that you didn’t expect? It comes completely out of left field and you don’t know whether to run to it or stay put or run the other way. Life is crazy like that but why fight it? Obviously, it’s worked for you. Congrats on finding love again. It’s such a blessing.

  • Laura

    Beautiful post. Truly necessary – I’m sure I speak for many people when I say this post has actually changed my outlook and attitude to love lust and life a little. It is certainly something that we all struggle with, and could all use a little advice on sometimes. Thanks for sharing!
    x

    P.S. I’m hosting a Marc Jacobs giveaway on my blog, you can enter it here http://theblogofobsessivecoolness.blogspot.com/2010/11/marc-jacobs-giveaway.html if you’d like :)

    • http://www.profreshstyle.com Profresh Style

      I’m so glad it’s touched you. I believe in honesty and who hasn’t felt this way you know? I’m glad you read and enjoyed this post. :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3VRLSI3FKXBCQ4VH2JCYQXUOIM Christine

    Can I just say I absolutely adore your blog! Everyone about it! My friend Michelle aka FVNCY turned me on to it! Not only do I enjoy your fashion posts, I la-la-love your love lust life series! It really hits home for me, as well. Keep up the good work! I’m trying to get my blog up off the ground and your posts inspire me everyday to do so!

    Thank you!

  • kristy

    i adore this post. you are spot on. more women need to remember that they must discover their self-worth first, appreciate themselves first, and love themselves first, before they can truly find someone else to do that also. too many people, both men and women, but especially women it seems, wait on others to make things better for them, and it just doesn’t work like that. this post is inspiring. i’m not currently heartbroken, but if i was, i know it would make me feel better. but i can still appreciate it all the same.

    btw, i have been like the worst blogger friend in the world lately b/c i read blogs and don’t leave comments. i just wanted to let you know that i read you and since life is getting more manageable again, i will hopefully be more present on your blog. because i think it’s awesome, and i think you’re awesome. that is all!

    hugs!
    Vogue Gone Rogue

  • confused

    WOW, i happened to passed my your blog and I have to say that I absolutely adore your writing style (very creative and direct) and perspectives when it comes to the topic of love and lust.

    If you don’t mind giving me a few tips on what to do since i am ubberly confused about my position in this new relationship that i am currently involved in. Due to my past relationship experiences, I have began to doubt about myself (worth and self images) as most of them just want to get into my pants, and I don’t think this helps me much in healing/building my confidence. I don’t know why all the guys i attract are player, at the same time, i blame myself for letting them play me. For 10 months now, I’ve told myself not to let guys get into my pants to save myself from looking “cheap” and being emotionally involved with them despite many temptations presented.

    And the situation is that i am currently seeing someone who is 8 years older than me for a month now (Although my friends has been giving me disapprovals for our age, experience, and maturity differences and that we are in difference stages of life). I have fun and I can sense some connections with this guys. But the thing that scares me is that there appears to be more physical things involved with each time we are together. He’s very persistent in tempting me and i’ve been pretty at resisting these temptations. BUT, I got drunk the other day and totally let my guard down so i ended up having sex with him for the first time. I am currently undergoing the guilty feeling for not living up to my words and beginning to feel cheap. I am thinking of being honest with him about me not feeling right about having sex at the beginning of this experience because i want this to blossom into a healthy experience that is contain more than just lust and attraction. However, i just saw one of your video that talk about something about scaring a guy away and one of the top choice is had sex with him and then stop. Now i am super lost… I still don’t know what to tell myself to gain that level of confident back after this as I feel so ashamed for giving in (since i even had a talk with him about women being cheap too), at the same time, i am trying to fix this situation before it is going toward the way i don’t want it to go. I feel like my brain is about to explode if i continue thinking so i am just going to seek for other point of views.

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